25+ of the Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (July 17, 2026)

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  • 01
    paige @ Wizard • Jul 7 They should invent a child that goes to sleep
  • 02
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 14 • ••• Finally my kids' chicken nugget and ramen diet is paying off
  • 03
    AVY OUR BO Dadman St... @dadmann... . Jul 14 *** I just looked back at my 16 yo playing on the computer and he's eating chicken fries with chop sticks.
    via dadmann_walking
  • 04
    redyellowgreenda... @RYG... Jul 13 ... . Walked into my office bathroom to find two unflushed toilets, I hadn't realized my sons came to visit my workplace today
    via RYGDance
  • 05
    Henpecke... @Henpecke.... Jul 13 My daughter has been tutoring her friend in German for the last ten minutes. My daughter doesn't speak German.
    via HenpeckedHal
  • 06
    AVY MINK FOURBO Dadman St... @dadmann... . Jul 13 ... wore a white shirt to my son's gymnastics tonight. Immediately spilled coke zero on me getting out of the car. What the actual f__
    via dadmann_walking
  • 07
    Vinod Chhap... @Chhapin... Jul 13 ... Yesterday at the natural history museum I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing an obnoxious exhibit called other kids
    via Chhapinness
  • 08
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 12 Told my 8yo and his friend to go find something to do, so now they're having a competition to see who's allowed to say the most swear words
    via deloisivete
  • 09
    T • JB @solo_wandering ⚫ Jul 11 ... I've listened to my son talk non stop since he woke up at 9am... I have no idea how he hasn't lost his voice yet...but I'm about to lose my sh
    via solo_wandering
  • 10
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 11 • Me: want to see a picture of me watching the World Cup 20 years ago 8yo: was I born then Me:
    via deloisivete
  • 11
    HEAVY MINK Dadman St... @dadmann_... • Jul 11 ... My 16 yo couldn't figure out why he has a stomach ache last night because all he had was a footlong sub and a 6 inch sub.
    via dadmann_walking
  • 12
    Dadman St... @dadmann... Jul 5 ... me: [jumping on the trampoline] 9: hey dad can you land on your back and stand back up?! me: yea! I used to do that all the time! Here we go! Narrator: he in fact could not. He felt as though all his organs hit his spine and every breath he had was knocked out upon impact.
    via dadmann_walking
  • 13
    Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy • Jul 9 Therapist: Tell me 3 things you're good at Me: Insomnia, Anxiety Spirals and Emotional Eating Therapist: No
    via kryzazzy
  • 14
    paige @BonerWizard • Jul 7 They should invent a child that goes to sleep
    via BonerWizard
  • 15
    Vinod Chhap... @Chhapin... Jul 9 ... • Walked by a group of dads at a barbecue and now I am an expert on property taxes
    via Chhapiness
  • 16
    Dadman St... AVY MINK OURBO nothing @dadmann... • Jul 7 ... me off more than craving cereal and I finally get up to get some and these kids drank all the milk again
    via dadmann_walking
  • 17
    Trey @treydayway • Jul 6 The 4 yr old said she deserves cake for dinner because she said so. Fair point ...
    via treydayway
  • 18
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 10 • ... My kids suddenly have more injuries than a soccer player when I ask them to clean
    via deloisivete
  • 19
    Not Today E... @NotToday... Jul 6... Facebook: where your family is. • Instagram: where your friends are. Twitter: where you make fun of them both.
    via NotTodayEric
  • 20
    meghan @deloisivete • 3h ... Stepping on a Lego and rolling around on the ground like a soccer player, but legitimately
    via deloisivete
  • 21
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 13 Health officials: don't eat salad My kids: not a problem
    via deloisivete
  • 22
    Minnie @babyblue0924 • Jul 11 Knock or ring my doorbell while my kids are finally napping and I'm not buying a single thing from you. In fact, you better be a fast runner. ...
    via babyblue0924
  • 23
    meghan @deloisivete • Jul 13 ... My kids and husband on a hike vs me on a hike
    via deloisivete
  • 24
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 12 My kid lost a tooth, but he also recently learned the truth about the Tooth Fairy, so now he's just shaking me down directly for Robux
    via deloisivete
  • 25
    The Real Rodn... @RealRo... Jul 9 Last night I made lobster pie because it was just my wife and myself home for dinner. Tonight we have the kids and the menu is grilled cheese. If you're thinking of having kids, remember this lesson.
    via RealRodLaCroix
  • 26
    HEAVY Dadman St... @dadmann... Jul 8 ... tips on how to make your teenagers not eat half a bag of chips as a snack other than banning them from food forever
    via dadmann_walking
  • 27
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 10 • Hey everyone, my kid put the new toothpaste "somewhere" so if you could all keep an eye out, I'd appreciate it
    via deloisivete

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